Friday, January 29, 2010

Best Quotes from MTV's Jersey Shore - Episode 7

Episode 1 quotes
Episode 2 quotes
Episode 3 quotes
Episode 4 quotes
Episode 5 quotes
Episode 6 quotes
Episode 7 quotes
Episode 8 quotes
Episode 9 quotes

No Lord Byron Award this week, but there's love in the air.  Pauly D meets a girl from Israel who may turn out to be more than he bargained for.  Snooki falls for a an Irish guido Cowboy (picture left), whose southern droll in Seaside Heights sticks out like dueling banjos in the projects.  And The Situation's sister (we'll call her Minor Situation) sneaks downstairs in the middle of the night, like a junior high-schooler in love, to snuggle up next to Vinny.

Snooki makes a noble but misguided effort to draw the aloof Ronnie and Sammi back into the group by urging a "family meeting" after returning from the club.  She is subsequently thrown under the bus by the others, who deny any problem with this disgusting and aggravating relationship, thus exposing Snooki to verbal lashing by Sammi (she lashes sweetly though).  Ronnie follows suit.

The Situation possibly has sex in the hot tub.  Vinny and his date observe from the hammock.

Ronnie, Sammi, off.  On.

Finally, the gang takes an overnight trip to Atlantic City, skipping the casinos and going straight for the club, which is subtly but undoubtedly different from the clubs in Seaside. The Situation, revealing just how deep his insecurity runs, loses big points this week for letting his inner-jerk fly, first delivering a low blow to Snooki over dinner and then later stealing Vinny's potential hookup at the club. But instant karma knocked him right in the head, taking the form of a spinning backhand slap-punch from JWoww, so miffed was she that the Situation would not abandon his potential hookup (previously Vinny's) to guide her back to the hotel room, as she was too drunk to find it herself.

Best Quotes

5. "Delvecchio. That's gonna be your last name." - Pauly D (when Israeli girl attempts to pronounce his last name, reading it off his DJ business card)

4. "Come on Snick, before I yank the duck out the fucking wall." - Ronnie (eager to start the ill-advised "family meeting")

3. "Jenni and Snooki hate on us. Like shut your fucking face, you're jealous." - Sammi (astutely observing as usual that most world events stem from her intense love affair)

2. "That's not what your sister thinks." - Vinny (when Situation tells him he has no game)

1. "It's only a matter of time before she (Sammi) is gonna pull the Eject button." - The Situation (he says while pulling the imaginary Eject button)

Honorable Mentions

"I kinda noticed that Ronnie was talking to a girl. I don't think it would be a bad thing if Sammi saw that but, ah, I guess we'll find out. Heh heh." - The Situation

"I don't have a passport. Plus they don't like me, I have a cross on my arm." - Pauly D (when Israeli girl suggests he visits her homeland)

"She said she was a model, so I'm like all right. Cool." - Vinny

Diss-honorable Mentions

"Don't worry, you got a couple." - The Situation (on the defensive, to Snooki, when she asks for a roll)

"I pulled the robbery move on him." - The Situation (when he seduces Vinny's girl while he's in bathroom)

Lifetime Achievement Award

This week Snooki secures the Lifetimer independently, proving that she can hold her own spotlight even when competing with outrageous personalities like The Situation. Bonus point for dissing Darth Sammi. Several bonus points for sharing the second-best Exchange with Keith the Irish Cowboy. Triple word score for her quick recovery from some harsh and unwarranted ridicule, swiftly returning to her ditzy, adorable and self-deprecating baseline

In the past I've ridiculed the cast for their absence of self-awareness, but it occurs to me that of all the characters on the show she is the most in touch with her insecurity and vulnerability, and consequently she breathes just a little humanness to this small bubble of hedonism. Call me a softee, but this girl is a gem. The Situation is also a gem, but a different kind of gem. Anyway:

"I was kinda like getting annoyed with Sammi because like, the way like she like talks sometimes like, she can be a real bitch." - Snooki

"But he's Irish. He talks like a cowboy. I normally go for Italians, so it's like weird for me to like him." - Snooki

"I fucking, like, save animals." - Snooki

"I've been with goats, sheep, cows, horses... that's all." - Snooki

"But if I had to have sex with one person here, it would probably be him, because I know he's a nice guy. He's gotta be clean." - Snooki

"I do want to have sex with him. I'm saving myself for Cowboy." - Snooki

"I'm going to pop my A.C. cherry." - Snooki

"Cheers everyone." - Snooki (toasting champagne to an empty hot tub in AC hotel)

Best Exchange

Second place goes to Snooki and her new love interest.

Snooki: "I delivered a friggin calf from a cow"

Keith, the Irish Cowboy: "I praise you for that, I mean how many guidos can do that?"

Snooki: "I'm not a guido I'm a guidette"

First place goes to the dynamic duo, triggered when somebody questions whether the Situation might be overpacking for their overnight in A.C.

Situation: "I like my clothes like I like my women. Options."

Pauly D: "You like your clothes like you like your underwear. Dirty."

Cultural Awareness Award (new)

"I don't even understand that religion, or what it is. I just wanna get to the bidness." - Pauly D (referring to Judaism)

Best Guest Quote

Goes to Tanya, the older woman Vinny inadvertently stole from his boss in Episode 5.

"I gotta stop watching that shit because it's turning me on." - Tanya (from hammock, with Vinny, referring to Situation and girl having sex in hot tub)

Famous Last Words Award

Goes to the Danielle the Israeli Girl but with a huge assist from Pauly D's bug-eyed facial reaction (photo forthcoming).

"We're not supposed to have sex until we get married." - Danielle

*All photos courtesy of


Anonymous said...

Jersey Shore is over, but the mammaries live on… Check out “Jersey Shore (A Love/Hate Song)” at

Jim C. said...

Bruce and Ross:

That was beautiful. I'm misty eyed!!!

Reposting your amazing parody here.

For those of you who recognize the sweet tune, that would be "Jersey Girl" written by Tom Waits, made popular by Bruce Springsteen.

Amanda said...

Hey you! Long time no read and having skimmed this bit I can honestly say I think Jersey shore will be one to miss if it ever ventures this side of the pond!

Anonymous said...

jersey shore is f****** amazing!!!!!! poor pauly:)

Anonymous said...

welcome to jersey shore b****!!!