The Magical Fairy Penguin Princess

[In the 10-18 post Diana Brown comments: "In your spare time, can you write me a story about a magical fairy penguin princess?"

Let it be known forthwith that Jim Cooney writes for the people.]

One morning a handsome young Bostonian was walking down Commonwealth Avenue when he spotted a penguin. For the most part, it appeared just like any other penguin he'd ever seen, except that this penguin had a sparkling little tiara on its head.

Also it was waddling down Commonwealth Avenue.

The young man kept expecting the penguin to dart away at any moment, but no, it kept on its path, just as he kept to his. To his delight it stopped only when he did, when they were no less than two feet apart. It looked up at him curiously.

"Hello there, penguin," he smiled. "Did you escape from the aquarium?"

To his astonishment, the penguin first looked at him funny, like he was an idiot, then shook its head no.

"Did you just shake your head 'no' to me?" he asked.

More slowly, like he was a real, super idiot, the penguin then nodded its head yes.

"What kind of penguin are you?" he asked, disbelieving.

"I'm a Magical Fairy Penguin Princess," the penguin thought, and the man heard. Because the penguin was magical, it didn't need to speak in order to communicate.

The man bent his pinky, stuck it in his ear and rattled it around, making sure he wasn't hearing things the way schizophrenics hear things, but that he was actually hearing the thoughts of a penguin.

Then, in a moment of inspired but misguided irony, the man said, "Aren't all fairies magical? Kinda redundant to call yourself a Magical Fairy Penguin Princess, isn't it?"

The penguin clapped its flippers together (mostly for effect, as this gesture was not necessary to create magic), and amid a puff of smoke the young man was transformed into a VHS cassette player.

For a moment the penguin pondered the VHS, sitting idly on the sidewalk, then waddled up toward it. It tried to hop on top, didn't quite make it, then hopped again, clearing the edge on the second try.

It looked down. "What? What'd you say bitch?" the penguin thought.

The young man did not respond, as he was now a VHS cassette player.

"Yeah, that's what I thought."

The penguin hopped down, shook itself off, then waddled on its way.

As far as we know that's the last time anybody ever saw the Magical Fairy Penguin Princess.