Tuesday, March 11, 2008

Top Five Worst Reasons to Start Writing a Novel

5. You're convinced that the relationship ending in a recent breakup is an epic tale of tribulation and triumph that must be shared with the world.

4. Your staggering insight and beautiful uniqueness of thought --- which faithfully reemerges every time you smoke a bowl --- has led you to a concept for a story that is like On the Road, Star Wars, and Lord of the Rings rolled into one, but deeper, more intricate, better. It's so deep, in fact, that it's far better articulated to your friends on the couch than on paper. They're the only ones who would really appreciate its genius anyway.

3. You think girls will be more inclined to have sex with you.
(Author acknowledges this was a "Best Reason." Depends on the night.)

2. You will make millions of dollars off book sales, movie deals and, eventually, action figures, theme parks, commencement addresses and appearances at nightclub openings.

1. You know the exact person who will play your main character (or your main character's love interest) in the film adaptation, and said actor will undoubtedly thank you, repeatedly... over a series of dinners that lead to enduring friendship... for conceiving the landmark role of their career.

6 comments:

J. Rosemary Moss said...

I have a bone to pick with worst reason #1, Jim. Are you implyingthat Christian Bale will never star in a movie adapted from some story of mine? And that he won't thank me profusely?

Ok--maybe he won't. But I think that cherished hope is as good a reason as any to keep writing...

Jim Cooney said...

Sigh. I know. I'm still torn deciding which brunette starlet will play my romantic lead ---Natilie Portman may be born for it, but I may fold and give it to Anne Hathaway, because (oh my god) she's gorgeous.

Indeed, allowing for slight alterations (substitute vodka for marijuana, for instance) all ten of these reasons have motivated, or continue to motivate me, as I write. Maybe their placement in "Best" and "Worst" was arbitrary. :)

Manic Mom said...

5. OK, MY second novel IS about a relationship that is an epic tale, not of triumph but I want to sock it to the bastard--is that reason enough to continue to write it?

4. Laughed out loud about the smoking of the bowl.

3. I still think I could get girls to have sex with me without writing a novel.

2. I am not in it for the $$.

1. I have no idea who will play me, uh... I mean, the main character... hahahah

Tanya said...

(I hate to comment on your blog your answer to the question you asked on mine, but I don't have your e-mail.)

I was able to become a part of Andrew Peterson's Blog tour, because I regularly visit his website. He posted on his message board that his publishing company was looking for some bloggers. I sent in an e-mail with a link to my blog and they sent me two copies of his book -one for me to keep and one for me to give away.

EGClawson said...

Whew! I almost screwed up on #1. Luckily I picked the actor to play the main characterin my book AFTER writing half of it. Does that count? :)

Great list!

Ink and Beans said...

Thanks EGC! Wow, I haven't looked at this in a long time.

A lot of these still ring true for me, but perhaps the time has come for an updated list? Thanks for giving me food for thought!