Blue Pens or Black Pens?

Blue pens. Of course blue pens. Because they contrast better with the documents you're writing on, which invariably use black ink.

Most recent example: Every so often I glance over a draft of my first chapter that has been sitting in my satchel for a while (usually when I have nothing else to read). This draft was marked up by one of my friend/editors who, for reasons I can't fathom, is partial to black pens. Every time I pick up the chapter, I see another of her markings that I'd missed on previous scans. Why? Because the black pen blends in with the black type-face. If she had used blue, I wouldn't have had to go back to my now-posted chapter to add a comma here, a period there. What good is an editing suggestion if I can't see it? What am I paying her for? (In case you're wondering, I pay my editors in friendship).

Okay, you say. But what if you're writing on a clean sheet of paper? Still blue. Why? Because it's a color. Color stimulates the visual cortex. It stimulates. Color is beauty. Blue jeans. Blue eyes. Old blue eyes. The great blue ocean. A big blue sky. Smurfs.

Black is the absence of color. The absence of light. Black is depressing. It's evil. Black sucks.

Blue pens are better. The choice seems perfectly obvious to me, and yet black pens seem to be the office standard. Half the time I can't find a blue pen when I need one. I have to make a special request through our office manager. My mom literally gave me blue pens for Christmas last year.

It gets worse, because now I'm starting to suspect that black pen dominance does not merely reflect some fallacious though easily correctable business standard. I'm getting the sense that I may actually possess a minority opinion on this issue. Is the rest of the world that stupid?

Let's find out. If you're delusional, cast your vote for black pens in the top right corner of my blog. If you know what's up, join me in voting for blue.

Honor system: One person, one vote. Don't try to be cute and vote multiple times (from multiple computers or what have you). I want a clear and honest winner here. Polls close in one month, on December 19th. Blue!

Whine and Cheese

October and early November are turning out to be pretty uninspired months for me. I'm going to chance whining a little bit here, hoping that it will either magically turn into interesting writing, or that it will cathartically dispel some pressure and other icky feelings. At the very least, when these writing doldrums pass, as I'm confident they will, I'll have documented yet another case of "This too shall pass," to reassure my fellow writers as well as my future uninspired selves.

Getting word out about the blog turned out to be a real time sink, and an hour here and an hour there of adding names to my address list, finding people on facebook, editing and resending an invite, etc, doesn't leave me feeling very accomplished. Not like writing a good post or a couple of good paragraphs. And, go figure, now that I've got a hundred people roped in I have less than usual to say. Want your money back?

I just now finished revising chapter two, which took longer than chapter one even though I rewrote less of it. Definitely not filling me the way fixing chapter one did. It feels substandard and yet there's not much more I can do right now. I anticipate each subsequent chapter will require less work but still, this is taking way longer than I thought. Meanwhile, my magic bank account --- the savings that partially fund my current part-time writing schedule --- which miraculously avoided shrinking for the first few months, has not just shrunk finally but "caught up," which means my new routine will have to come to an end at some point.

And speaking of disappearing money, I paid a hefty sum two weeks ago to get my hellishly slow computer up to speed, and it performed like a normal computer for maybe ten days, and is suddenly slower than ever.

I wish someone would invent a computer you could punch without damaging.

Circumstances like this make it easy to question a lot of things, not so much about my writing ability (thankfully that's not suffering this time), but about my plans, my goals, my strategy. Is this blog worth the time? Will I be revising my manuscript for years before I can submit it? Will it be years before I can start a new project? Should I look into methamphetamine?

I need a boost dammit. One or two good days of kick ass writing and revision. Even if I'm not as far as I thought by next summer I want to be able to look back on significant progress.

Silver lining: Thanks to the puppy we're dogsitting, whose bowels have no snooze button, I'm getting to the gym every morning. Complimented with a no-carb diet I've been able to lose five pounds in the last ten days. I'm eating a lot of cheese.

And then there's that well-spoken young man getting elected president, which I rather enjoyed.

Chapter 3 here I come. Wheeee.

Starting a Novel (Part 1)

In the last few weeks I've made a push to get more people reading this blog, and in the process, received many congratulations (thank you!) from people who hinted that they, also, have entertained the possibility of starting a book or novel someday.

For those of you harboring similar aspirations --- we'll call it the "large writing project itch" --- let me encourage you by first confirming the obvious: Starting is the hardest part.

Seriously. And I'm not talking in terms of having your plot mapped out or your characters thought out or finding your voice. All that will come. And I'm not talking developing your idea sufficiently before actually starting, because in my opinion, if you have an idea that you think could take the form of a book, you have enough fodder to begin writing one.

Here, I'm talking about the only hurdle to writing your first book that really matters, which is confidence and motivation --- the simple act of putting pen to paper or finger to keyboard, writing the first words, paragraphs and pages of a single continuous narrative, and (this is the important part) fighting through the feelings of disgust and loathing over what you have written, the voices urging you to stop and scrap.

Before going on let me acknowledge that some people thrive on setting goals and deadlines when writing a first book --- just look at the crazies at National Novel Writing Month. Even if you don't go that extreme, setting rigid deadlines may be the best path for you. This absolutely did not work for me. When I first started writing my novel I vowed I would finish in a year. It took me two years and a lot of guilt to even start getting out of that mindset.

Try setting deadline for yourself (e.g. a novel in one year), or imposing similar structure (like 2 hours per day, or one page per day, etc), if that feels right to you. Give it a real chance, a couple months perhaps, but don't get discouraged if it doesn't work out the way you'd hoped. There's another way, the Jim way, and you can switch over any time. Or if deadlines, even self-imposed ones, scare the shit out of you, you can adopt my philosophy right away! Here it is.

A first chapter, especially of a first book, will almost certainly suck --- I base this theory on personal experience of course and I elaborate here.

In writing my first chapter, I now realize what I was really doing was laying a foundation --- in fiction, laying a foundation may mean introducing a few characters, an environment, a catalyzing event; in non-fiction you may be articulating a thesis statement, outlining points of argument, setting a context. The point is, my second chapter was superior to the first, and not because twenty pages of writing practice improved my style (style improves more gradually than that). No, it's because the first 20 pages, shitty as they were, supported what came after. I had context, I had greater focus, I could even identify some semblance of "voice" that I tried to keep consistent.

In short, I had direction --- I went from trying to swim a straight line in an ocean, to swimming down a wide river, still overwhelmed, but at least I could measure my progress a little.

Part [1] [2]

Starting a Novel (Part 2)

[Continued from page 1.]

Here's my promise to prospective book authors. Write the first 20 pages (and not just any 20 pages but the beginning 20 pages) and see it through no matter how awful you feel it's coming out. Then, write ten more, and see if they feel any better.

And somewhere in there, whether it's on page 3 or page 30, you'll have a moment: you write the first thing you actually like, the thing that makes you say, "I knew I was this good!" And it's true, you are. If you weren't, why else would you have started writing? This won't be the last time you feel this way. This feeling is called realizing your potential, and it's absolute heroin.

You like that? You want some more of that good shit? Yeah you do, you little crack whore.

When you have thirty pages, thirty pages that now include a gem or two, you'll no longer view your manuscript like a deformed arm, for it has become your baby. And the thing about your baby is you can always make it bigger and better, a little bit at a time. Even if you have to leave it for a while, it will be there when you come back (barring fires or computer crashes of course --- back it up!).

I'm jumbling a couple of metaphors here, but let me introduce one more. I've often thought of working on my book like building a model city in my basement. I descend the stairs, and first take in all I've done so far --- I mean, really try to appreciate it --- then start thinking about what to add next. The adding isn't always satisfying, and sometimes it's a real struggle, but the ratio of satisfaction to struggle improves with each new bridge or building I add.

And there, in the middle of my city, I can see the first little tower I made, the one that started it all. Sure, it's crooked, the paint's gooey and blobby... truth be told it's ugly as sin, but it doesn't ruin the whole city. I can barely tell it's there unless I look for it. Probably I'll replace it at some point with something that does the rest of the city justice, but I'll save that old rickety structure, that kernel that sprouted everything. Why? Because I'm sentimental. I won't show it to anybody --- it's a little embarrassing to be honest. Okay, maybe I'll show it to other beginning model city builders just to demonstrate that it's okay to start by producing something below your standards. Not just okay, but necessary.

One day at a time, one building at a time. Sooner or later it will be "finished," and I've got some idea of how that might happen, but it's aways off and I've got more towers to build, and that's satisfying work. Live for the process, not the result, which will happen in it's own time. Your work has acquired a life of its own. Respect it, nurture it, love it.

Part [1] [2]

The Magical Fairy Penguin Princess

[In the 10-18 post Diana Brown comments: "In your spare time, can you write me a story about a magical fairy penguin princess?"

Let it be known forthwith that Jim Cooney writes for the people.]

One morning a handsome young Bostonian was walking down Commonwealth Avenue when he spotted a penguin. For the most part, it appeared just like any other penguin he'd ever seen, except that this penguin had a sparkling little tiara on its head.

Also it was waddling down Commonwealth Avenue.

The young man kept expecting the penguin to dart away at any moment, but no, it kept on its path, just as he kept to his. To his delight it stopped only when he did, when they were no less than two feet apart. It looked up at him curiously.

"Hello there, penguin," he smiled. "Did you escape from the aquarium?"

To his astonishment, the penguin first looked at him funny, like he was an idiot, then shook its head no.

"Did you just shake your head 'no' to me?" he asked.

More slowly, like he was a real, super idiot, the penguin then nodded its head yes.

"What kind of penguin are you?" he asked, disbelieving.

"I'm a Magical Fairy Penguin Princess," the penguin thought, and the man heard. Because the penguin was magical, it didn't need to speak in order to communicate.

The man bent his pinky, stuck it in his ear and rattled it around, making sure he wasn't hearing things the way schizophrenics hear things, but that he was actually hearing the thoughts of a penguin.

Then, in a moment of inspired but misguided irony, the man said, "Aren't all fairies magical? Kinda redundant to call yourself a Magical Fairy Penguin Princess, isn't it?"

The penguin clapped its flippers together (mostly for effect, as this gesture was not necessary to create magic), and amid a puff of smoke the young man was transformed into a VHS cassette player.

For a moment the penguin pondered the VHS, sitting idly on the sidewalk, then waddled up toward it. It tried to hop on top, didn't quite make it, then hopped again, clearing the edge on the second try.

It looked down. "What? What'd you say bitch?" the penguin thought.

The young man did not respond, as he was now a VHS cassette player.

"Yeah, that's what I thought."

The penguin hopped down, shook itself off, then waddled on its way.

As far as we know that's the last time anybody ever saw the Magical Fairy Penguin Princess.

A Note on the Excerpt

...for those who have read it already. The excerpt I've posted includes the Prologue and Chapter 1.

It's a total of 20 pages (not 3 pages).

Unfortunately, I had a page break in between the two sections which has caused some confusion about where the excerpt ends --- confusion that was exacerbated by the fact that the prologue is a dream sequence that is very abstract and bizarre on its own (but which I hope is illuminated somewhat by the context that follows in Chapter 1).

So, after a mere 10 days on the road I am recalling Excerpt - Alpha Series, and have posted Beta Series with the page-break nixed. Thanks Amanda for guiding me to this problem!

Welcome!

Thanks for coming to Ink and Beans! Now that I have an excerpt posted I'm going to put more effort into promoting this blog, and if this is your first time here, I thank you heartily for checking it out!

Some of you I haven't spoken with for quite some time, and I hope this blog remedies that, if only slightly. Partly I'm trying to build a little advance notice for the book, but I also view this as an opportunity to connect with my many friends who have encouraged and supported me (whether you knew you were or not) throughout this process, and perhaps to make some new ones.

You're certainly not obligated to read everything I write --- my only wish is that you allow me the opportunity to remind you every once in a while that I'm out there, and maybe a headline will catch your eye now and then, and make you want to read more. I aim to make the posts I write interesting, humorous, and (mostly) brief and digestible.

If you do like something I write, please:

1. Leave a comment.
2. Forward the post to others!

I thrive on feedback. Truly, it may be the primary thing that drives me to write in the first place, so keep it coming! And thanks for reading.

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